Two Answers..

So..here I am..just as confused as the day I started. The day I started what..this blog..? Yeah, but more than that..the day I started searching for answers. Don't ask me when that was..it's all I can remember. I've never 'not' searched for answers..not that I remember.

But in my infinite list of questions--oh yes, I could sit down and interview God for a week straight if given the opportunity! (although, knowing Him, He'd clear up 10,000 questions in one answer!)--the Lord just answered two..which may also answer many more than just the obvious two.

The first answer is this: If we ever come to the end of our list of questions..if there's ever a point where there's nothing left to ask..well, that's a dangerous place to be! As much as I need answers..as much as I crave understanding of truth and knowledge of God and His ways..I also pray I'm never satisfied! For if I were satisfied it would mean that I'd reached the end. It would mean I'd conquered all things. It would mean I'd figured out God and His infinite wisdom...and if I ever got there, He would not be God!
One of my very favorite quotes is this: "If God were small enough to be understood, He would not be big enough to be worshiped" and I would have it no other way! So my insatiable thirst for answers brings with each one a new set of questions..and they will never end because God is God and I will never be.

The second is partly an answer, and carries with it a bag full of questions that would drag down Santa's sleigh.
In the dvd in last night's Bible study, Beth Moore talked about "Reversal of Destiny"...she spoke about when she was pre-school age, she was running and tripped on a rug. Her open mouth landed smack on the edge of a coffee table, and her little baby teeth were jammed up into her gums. She said it wasn't pretty to have those teeth turn black and fall out, but what came next was devastating. Her permanent teeth grew straight forward. She laughed, saying that they were beyond buck teeth to the point you could "set your food on them and eat it later!" A timid child who'd been sexually abused already by this point, she never uncovered her mouth when she spoke. She showed a school picture, which is the only photo of her during that time and which her grandmother had saved from the trash. It was difficult to see the severity of her infirmity, to me the photo was of a beautiful little girl. She said she remembers how sore her face got from practicing holding her mouth closed over her teeth. She recalled the day that those photos were delivered in the classroom, and the teacher placed them 'cellophane side up' on the desk. And the other children teased her and made fun of her for those pictures. So when she got home, she tore them up and threw them away.

She brought the point home by saying "I was so ashamed by my mouth..I always kept it covered..now I never shut up!" God took her biggest shame, the source of ridicule and humiliation...and He turned it to be used for His glory! (For anyone who doesn't know-She's written and recorded 13 Bible studies to date, and teaches Sunday school and Bible classes in her church, has a weekly radio show, and speaks at Women of Faith and other conferences..she's well known and well loved by thousands, if not millions, of women!)

This answers a lot of questions and hurts for me. It brings many more questions too. But it gives me hope..hope that the wounds of my childhood (and on into my adult life!) can be reversed by the Most High..in His infinite wisdom and grace He can take hold of the very things that have paralyzed me with shame and unworthiness...and He can remake them. This is huge to me!